Well, I’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut lately…mentally, emotionally, phsyically and spiritually, as well. Not that there haven’t been some very bright moments in my life lately (visit to GA for a family reunion!), but I’ve been finding it easier and easier to wallow in doubt and self-pity. I’ve felt pretty stressed about my current life situation–job, location, purpose–but when I sit down to pinpoint the reasons, nothing turns up.

There are so many reasons to be thankful:

• I am living in a beautiful home in a beautiful city (at least for now…winter gets pretty bad)
• I have a wonderful husband who listens to my complaints and is (for the most part) supportive
• I have a job that I don’t hate, that pays fairly well
• I am young and healthy
• I have a loving, supportive family (on both sides)
• I have access to technology that allows me to complete my work, communicate with those I love and become more knowledgeable about the world around me
• I have the capability to create on a daily basis and the means to do so…

So what gives?

Well, here are some things that have been stressing me out lately:

• Not feeling fulfilled by our church-going experience
  It’s been so hard to find a good (conservative) church in the city! We found one that we thought was promising, but has turned out to be a bit of a dud. After so many visits, I’m having a hard time convincing DH that we may need to search farther abroad…

• Questioning my purpose/career for the next couple years:
  There are a lot of things that I enjoy doing: mainly things that involve creating and being artistic (painting, graphic design, photography, interior design…the list goes on). But I feel as though I am only mediocre at most of those things. So, my question to myself is, what am I meant to do with these passions/unfulfilled talents? Which one am I supposed to pursue (if any)? When and how am I supposed to pursue them? I know there is no better time than the present, but it is almost as though I am afraid to pick one path and then be forced to stick to it. I am paralyzed by the prospect of failure…and embarrassed that I am so doubtful about fulfilling my God-given potential when I see so many around me doing just that. This is a daily struggle.

• Missing my home, family, past…
  Sometimes I feel way too young to be living in a big city, far away from the home/city where I grew up, miles away from the friends I knew, struggling to make some sort of connection with my current locale and failing. Is this how most 22-almost-23-year-olds feel about life? Everything is so unfamiliar and, while sometimes exciting, not “safe” (in the mental/emotional way). I feel bad sometimes that I can’t make myself like the place that my husband so enjoys. And they say that “home is where the heart is”, but what if your heart is divided? I never realized until moving here (Chicago) that I was so connected to the place where I grew up. And even the place I went to college! It’s funny how just one connection in such a big city isn’t always enough to make it a great place.

I am cataloguing these things more as a reminder of what I am to be grateful for, rather than reasons to continue moping, but I am also hoping for a little encouragement. Any suggestions are welcome! Especially stories…and successes. I’m sure someone else has been where I am…right???