I am not sure anymore where I stand.

    I know where “I” stand of course….I know what I
think and believe and feel….I suppose the issue is that I do not know
what it is that anyone else thinks and believes and feels. Or if I do,
then I am doing my best to block it out of my thoughts. This cannot be
good. I wish that I could just once know a person with whom I feel
completely comfortable sharing my inmost thoughts, doubts, fears,
worries, joys, complaints, randomness….. God is, of course, my most
reliable Friend in all times of need, but sometimes I just want a human
face to look at and tell me all about their own personal joys and
struggles. And I want to know that, when they say it, they are being
completely sincere. My family has always been this for me–mother,
father, sisters–they have always been dearest to me when it comes to
expressing the way I feel about things. Perhaps because I was just
always around them and because we share our convictions and beliefs.
But now that I’m not constantly around them, I am left with a certain
small void.
         It certainly puts a
different spin on a relationship to put so much emotional/psychological
effort into it. The thing is, I know that no matter what I say or do
(within boundaries of which I’m fully aware) my family will always love
me. And I suppose even if I crossed those lines (pray to God I never
will) they will still love me. God’s love is the same. But what about
the love of a friend? There are perhaps only 2 or 3 non-family members
I can name who fall into the category of ever-loving friends…and none
of them go to Hillsdale. I want that to change. So talk to me. Tell me
your thoughts, dreams, hopes, cares, fears, loves….

P.S. The whole family-dependent thing….? Totally Southern. If you
don’t understand, you’re probably not from the South. If you would like
to convert, Dr. Stewart might tell you that it is impossible. However,
I can tell you that at least one Canadian has been completely saved
from the mindset of the North and it is still a possibility for any who
are willing….